Rushed and Crushed

It was a great decision and experience to pledge a sorority while at Clemson though being a cheerleader prevented me from participating at the level most sorority girls enjoy. Now at 52, I look back and see one of the greatest things that came from being part of a sorority were some long-lasting friendships. As I enjoyed my years at Clemson, I ended up having just as many friends who were not in a sorority as friends who were!

What I didn’t realize when I was going through the process…I was young and didn’t know what I didn’t know….was that there were girls who, for various reasons, went through rush….but were CRUSHED!

A few years ago, this crushing experience was magnified as I watched one of my daughter’s friends get CRUSHED. I am not sure that crushed even properly describes the horrific rejection and hurt this particular friend experienced. But I watched it up close and personal….and let me just say this… is devastating to go off to college and put yourself out there in hopes of finding new friends. Hopes of a new positive experience and right off the bat…experience a CRUSH….A DEFEAT….away from the comfort of a loving home and family!

Just recently, in fact this past Sunday…I got the 9-1-1 text from a parent who was in a state of hurt and shock over their daughter’s CRUSH! The words of the parent were, “I kept waiting all day to get the text that there had been a horrible mistake and it never came!” Followed by, “They say you are only as happy as your unhappiest child!” Not only did the “crush” of rush devastate a young woman, but the parents experienced the crush as well, and so did I.

Thankfully, God allowed me the opportunity to reach out and the “crushed” reached back….we spent several hours together on Sunday afternoon….the pain…the hurt…the rejection….were all very prevalent on the face of the beautiful, smart, gifted young woman. It was crushing to me…..seriously….a “HUGE LUMP” kept crawling around in my throat as we talked through the experience and the pain.

This particular girl has a strong Christian faith….which I know will sustain her….but like I told her….whether you are a Christian or not…”fire” inflicts pain on anyone. It is no respecter of people or their faith….I wanted to validate her feelings! Pain is real and just trying to put a band-aid on her pain by saying…”Oh there is something better” or, “there is next year”….would not help. I wanted her to know that pain is pain and it is okay to be CRUSHED and FEEL CRUSHED. I also wanted her to know that God is close to the “brokenhearted!”

Psalm 34:18, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

I wanted to be the one to help “bind” the wounds….and I desire for you, the reader, to do the same….If you are reading this post and have a relationship with a young woman who is in college, even if she is a “sorority” girl like I was…call them up….talk to them and let them know….there is the “CRUSHED” GIRL out there as well. One who, for whatever reason……did not get “selected”.

I am a firm believer that God allows everything for a reason….He is still on the throne and nothing takes Him by surprise. But sometimes what He allows….is for the purpose of people like you and me to wake up to the PAIN of others, even in our successes. To turn around and REACH OUT to the “WOUNDED” and get outside of ourselves and be the GOOD SAMARITAN…that not only stops to bandage a wound, but picks up the wounded and carries them.

The good Samaritan left “money for medicine”…we may not have to leave money…and I am sure these crushed girls are not looking for sympathy…..they are looking for people who CARE…for FRIENDS to walk along beside them.

People, let’s wake up ourselves and our sons and daughters to “getting outside of themselves,” especially if they are experiencing temporary success, and let’s look to the needs of others. If there is a will, there is a way……..the excuse of, “I didn’t know!” doesn’t cut it….we have to be intentional about having the “eyes” to see the broken and wounded!

The Israelites were reminded to “get outside of themselves”. To remember that they once didn’t really fit in. They, too, had been sojourners in a foreign land. The dictionary describes a sojourner as one who is staying somewhere temporarily. God reminds them that they know what it feels like and to “see” other sojourners with compassion, not oppression. Exodus 23:9, “You shall not oppress a sojourner. You know the heart of a sojourner, for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt.”

I have been so pleased in the past when a certain post has touched somebody and they have desired to encourage others by sharing…this is a post I would love to see shared…..I am tired of mentoring college students, especially girls….and seeing the loneliness and exclusion that exists…..and the absolute “selfishness and self-centeredness” that the college environment seems to promote.

Let me just say, if I could have one “do over” in college, it would be to be more of a “good Samaritan” and look for others to “PULL UP!” WE only have one life…if you are in college and want to make college really count in the grand scheme of life……Seek out the crushed…and offer “YOUR HAND”… a healer, not a complacent…self-centered …..self-absorbed person.

Let us not forget that at some point….it could be me/you/us in need of someone to pull us up. Whatever the situation, it is ultimately God who does the blessing. It is not our own power. Deuteronomy 8:17-18, “Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth,…'”



giving LIFE

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  • Sherry, I have a dear friend whose daughter was just dropped by Tri delt at CU..It was crushing to me as well, I took it personally!! I had written a long, handwritten letter on her behalf…I felt rejected by my own sorority for not accepting my recommendation!! She would have been so awesome…I was so clueless in 1984 when I went thru, I honestly thought that the rushee got to pick!! I didnt understand until bid day that that was not the case..i never cared for the process of dropping always made me sick to my stomach..thank you for this post today as it ministered to me as if I was going thru the process sure feels like I did..may you continue to be used by Christ to minister to the hearts of Gods children..young and old!!!!