“In everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:8……. Over the last 11 days God has quietened my heart as I have sat by my mother’s bed, along with my dad and sister, our spouses and kids and watched her suffer and await her call to go be with the Lord. He provided this time for me to prepare my heart for her departure and has comforted me in knowing that I will be reunited with her one day. Through this process of the gradual loss of my mother, I want to take the time to give thanks.
WE always say as Christians that God’s timing is perfect and it is! I am truly thankful that not just me but my entire family was able to hold her hand….love on her in her sleep and tell her a long and loving goodbye. The nurses told me she could hear me even though in the last hours there was no evidence that she could. It was in the last days that as her grandchildren came in independently of each other she would open her eyes or raise her eyebrows when she heard their voices. I personally got to witness those special moments of tender love between not just my kids but my niece and nephew as well.
Watching my dad grieve is something that has ripped my heart apart….I have never felt such stabbing pain….nor seen my dad weep so….and tell her that he loved her so many times. Just sitting and absorbing the love my sister and I share for each other as well as for my mom and dad is something I did not anticipate in the Back 9 but am so grateful for it even though the pain is fresh, raw and all-consuming.
In the book of Ecclesiastes it says “there is a time to mourn “and that is where I have been and think I will remain for quite a while…..the hole in my heart is deep and wide……My mother…..was everything God instructs a mother to be, therefore…..it is no surprise that I have never felt this kind of sadness or loss……until you walk the walk….I have come to realize you can hear about it but you just CAN’T KNOW until you WALK.
I choose to embrace and be thankful for the time of “grief” even though I have to go through this Mother’s Day without my mom and celebrate her birthday in May without her. I know God is going to use it for sure to give me a greater sensitivity when ministering to those who walk the walk after me. I know it is going to make me step up to open my heart to God and see if there is anything unclean in me that HE needs to do a work in. I want my children to be left with a legacy in me similar to the one my mom has left for me and I also plan on loving on my earthly father more. Realizing that time spent with him can be significant for him and for me since we are never promised tomorrow. Almost losing him weeks ago has heightened my sense of the brevity of life and the preciousness of it.
As I step back and look at the “big picture,” I am most thankful for Jesus. As we move into the week of Easter, celebrating the greatest death of all, His death on a cruel cross…. His sacrifice for my/your and our sin…..so that we may be forgiven and go to be with Him who reigns in heaven. I am thankful my mom is there…..where there is no more sorrow, no more pain and no more tears. Jesus conquered death. HE did rise on the third day. To God BE ALL GLORY AND PRAISE.
I Corinthians 15:1, 3-4, “Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures.”
Happy Easter, and most thankful that life on this earth is temporary…..there is a heaven and there is a God who prepares a place for us and I know my Mom has arrived home!:)