Since going public with “Back 9 Ministries” there have been some things that have happened that I didn’t see coming. I have come to understand during the last 6 years, at a very deep level, that when you obey God fully, you can trust Him fully. He will guide, counsel, protect, teach, refine, grow and bless you all at the same time. It is truly like Peter when he got out of the boat to walk on water toward Jesus, but he had to keep his eyes on Jesus. When he took his eyes off Jesus, he started to sink. I see, and now have a fuller understanding of, how trusting God and doing what He tells you to do means that He is in control of all outcomes and that I am not. And, in order to fully obey, that eye contact with Him has to be steadfast and constant. If you are a Christian and read the Bible, you have heard it said that, “God doesn’t call the equipped, He EQUIPS THE CALLED!” This definitely describes me.
I can fully understand now that God equipped me a long time ago with certain talents and gifts, parents, family, husband, kids, friends and experiences that have all worked together for what He has called me to do now in the “Back 9”. Funny though, there are certain things about my call in this ministry that God has made sure that I was inadequate in so that I am on a “tight rope”. Just like the man that crossed the “Grand Canyon” without a safety net, God is my safety net. I know I need to look straight ahead and not to the right or left, behind me, down or up, or way in front of me. He has me taking just steps at a time, all the while keeping my “FOCUS ON HIM!” Since June many people have asked me where this ministry is going and what the name of the book is that I am currently writing. I have to answer, “I don’t KNOW.” That is just where God has me. Ha ha!! I just get up every day. Don’t get me wrong, “Back 9” didn’t just, poof, happen. It has been a long process and, in some ways, is a “life-time” process, but daily I have to seek God’s face and will.
Some of the unexpected things that have come have been great, heartwarming, and even exhilarating, but some not so great. Not sure which to share first, but I think the great, since I am a positive person. First, the writing that has come, totally God. I didn’t at all think I had it in me and I don’t! It is God equipping me (the inadequacy thing). Sometimes when I write and later go back and read what I wrote, I am shocked and amazed. I have no memory of writing it!! Don’t get me wrong, the stories are true and as accurate as God allows me to remember. Sometimes I can’t even remember at night what I had for breakfast that same day. Anybody else out there like that? I think when I go back and read, God just smiles and I do too.
Second, since I am a recovering “people pleaser,” I was warned by a small group of people who hold me accountable to not get too caught up in the positive or negative feedback from people. Ha ha!! I have worked at this one. The positive feedback has been surprising in a way because I went overboard to prepare myself for the negative. Negative from others, in the past, has kept me bouncing around like a ping pong ball trying to people please and not God please. So I figured it would be a test for me by God “not to people please!” Words of Encouragement is my Number 1 “love language”. If you have ever read Gary Chapman’s book, “The 5 Love Languages” you understand. So needless to say, My Tank has been full and overflowing and I didn’t plan for that!! (A real hug from God through People’s responses) This has really made me smile. It is not even something I can explain at all, just makes me smile at God. While I was being obedient, even though I have been afraid, I have said, “I will TRUST YOU!” His blessings have come in ways I could not even have imagined!
Third, has been the provision, God’s provision of people to assist me. I have always been a firm believer (my business background) that you are only as good and successful as the people with whom you surround yourself. The team that God assembled and how they were assembled was only God!! They came together so smoothly, as a result of prayer, and me not trying to run ahead of God like I have so many, many times in the past!!! I learned 5 years ago to “drop my hands” so God could drive my life. Hahaha! HE definitely does a Better job and has demonstrated this through the process of creating the “Back 9”.
There are many more positives but I do want to share a few, not so positive, things for some very important reasons. First, just days, maybe 6 days, after going public with the “Back 9,” and I am referring to my journal posts, Satan attacked. Satan ALWAYS does, not just me, but anyone SEEKING to please and obey God. He attacked ferociously and where do you think HE did???? He hit me hard. He attacked my CHILD!! Remember, I have an invisible umbilical cord (most mothers do). Yes, he attacked and devastated one of my kids!!! This is still so sensitive and painful to that child that I cannot write about it. It took me down. It took my heart, my attention, my time, but GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME AND THAT CHILD, than he that is in the world. We are just now seeing what Satan intended for EVIL, God is making, not just good, BUT GREAT!!
That is what I want to share. We cannot control Satan or the attacks from the enemy, but we CAN TRUST GOD. HE HAS US AND OUR KIDS. If we are being obedient and, if we TRULY SAY WE TRUST HIM, HE WORKS ALL THINGS FOR GOOD. This is something that one day I will write about, but the end of the story hasn’t been written yet. And who knows, my child may write the story. In fact, I know that child will! WE are all learning. It is such a powerful story that God is still revealing and teaching in it and through it, so many lessons of HIS faithfulness and character, and HIS MIGHTY HAND against the enemy. God ALWAYS WINS!! The outcome may not look like we thought it would but we REST KNOWING, IT IS A WIN! With this being said, I want to say to you, the reader, WALKING BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT is a VERY POWERFUL thing. Jeremiah 29:13-14 says, “‘You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord.” The secret of finding God and all that HE has for YOU is to SEEK HIM OUT. It is that simple. You can trust HIM to equip, protect, guide and take you to places you could never go in your own strength. HE promises, if we sincerely want to find HIM, we will. You may have heard it said and I have now lived it, “IF YOU WANT TO WALK ON WATER, YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE BOAT!”