Our yellow lab, Daisy, is very fat. Doesn’t keep us from loving her, but she is so fat that she can hardly move much less stand up to go outside and go to the bathroom. Since our kids have been home from college, she has gained more weight…with those precious “puppy dog” eyes, who can resist?
Since I am the one in the kitchen that is a “constant,” I have witnessed all of us, especially me, being vulnerable to tossing food from our plates to those “compelling eyes” glaring up at us. Thus…..she is being fed by all and “growing!” It is not a good thing; it is only harming her! You can’t just tell a dog to do something about it, can you?
Just as all of us have been tossing scraps to Daisy…..the more you toss, meaning giving time and energy to someone who has hurt you….the more you find yourself nourishing a grudge. When you fertilize a hurt, feed it, it creates a grudge. The more mental energy you give to it, the more you generate a “monster” inside of you that feeds on the grudge. It is like drinking glue. Your insides get stuck together.
Understand–what you feed grows!!!
The question is: what do you do when someone hurts you? Or wrongs you?
The first thing you must do is forgive. To forgive doesn’t mean that “poof” you can forget… only God can do that because He is God. Forgiveness is based on obedience to what the Bible says…..it cannot rely on how we feel. Usually we don’t feel like forgiving when we are wronged…but if we are obedient, just like working out, we don’t like it but we like the benefit.
Scripture has much to say about forgiveness. Luke 6:36-38, “Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” A reminder that we do benefit from forgiveness.
Forgiveness benefits us the most. It keeps us from feeding the “monster” with our grudge. We get the benefit after the “work”. Don’t wait until you feel like it to forgive. If I waited until I felt like working out, I may have never worked out in my life. LOL!!!! We need to acknowledge our hurt….our feelings are valid and real. Depending on the “wrong,” it may be that only time and God can help heal the wounds.
Some wounds or wrongs have residuals for a lifetime…just ask a rape victim or someone who has been physically or emotionally abused… don’t judge unless you have walked in their shoes. But there is hope and the person who is wounded or wronged has a responsibility to DO SOMETHING! That something is to take control of your pain, no denying it. Recognize it and run to God and maybe include a trusted friend or counselor……working through the pain….can be hard but rewarding and healing.
I have personally learned that “circling the incident” is not healthy and it “feeds the monster.” Taking every thought captive helps. Reliving the “occurrence” over and over again…..pulls back the scab and the “bleeding” starts all over again.
Wise counsel has helped me to understand boundaries….for any of us it could mean separating yourself from the one who has inflicted the wound (the wounder). It could mean confronting the perpetrator, if it would benefit, or mentally not giving time to the incident or the wounder, if they are not significant in your life….taking control of what you can control which is your heart, your thoughts, and your actions….
All of it turned over to a Holy God can produce HEALING, PROTECTION AND SAFEGUARDS against future hurts. It can speed up the healing process and at times restore and renew broken relationships…for sure…it can make a wounded person…..healthy again with fresh life and fresh perspective and vision.
Psalm 147:3, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Take a moment today to think about what you are feeding. Don’t drink the “glue” from a grudge, turn to God for healing.